This Week's Contest is to come up with a message for our new, mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker, something that summarizes the grandeur and dignity of this stupid contest. Above are the bumper stickers from years past. (We cannot forbear mentioning that although thousands of these babies have been mailed out for honorable mentions, we personally have never seen one on an actual automobile. We can only assume you are using them in unusual, creative ways. Send us snapshots. We'll print the best.) First-prize winner of the new slogan contest wins a Hulk Hogan mirror, featuring a huge likeness of the Hulkster that basically renders the mirror useless, as a mirror. This is worth $25.

First runner-up gets the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser's T-shirt. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to The Style Invitational, Week 248, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, fax them to 202-334-4312, or submit them via Internet to this address: losers@access.digex.net. Internet users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Entries must be received on or before Monday, Dec. 22. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced three weeks from today. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. What happened to the Faerie of the Fine Print & The Ear No One Reads? Let us recapitulate. The study was locked, with the key on the inside. All that was left behind was a pair of crutches that would fit a woman of remarkably small stature. Next week: Medical text ear credit. Employees of The Washington Post and members of their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 245,

in which you were asked to complete one of several comparisons that we began.

Fourth Runner-Up: Marriage is like a game of Monopoly because . . .

it ends quicker if you cheat. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

Third Runner-Up: The human body is like the Eisenhower administration because . . .

its number two really stinks. (Joseph Romm, Washington)

Second Runner-Up: The human body is like the Eisenhower administration because . . .

once you reach the late 50s, it's pretty much all over. (Thomas Wallick, Washington)

First Runner-Up: Politics is like the birth of septuplets because . . .

every November the public will pay attention to it for a few days and then ignore it the rest of the year. (David Genser, Arlington)

And the winner of the autographed Zuzu Christmas card:

Politics is like the birth of septuplets because . . .

there's a sucker born every minute. (Dave Ferry, Leesburg)

Honorable Mentions:

Truth is like a mouse because . . .

Both are hard to handle without squirming. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

Both taste better when sugar-coated.

(David Kleinbard, Silver Spring)

Both usually come in shades of gray.

(Alan Croneberger, Columbia; Jennifer Hart, Arlington; Barry Blyveis, Columbia)

Both are routinely exterminated at the White House. (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

Politics is like the birth of septuplets because . . .

There's going to be a lot of name-calling. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

The media can turn a bunch of semi-conscious wrinkled feebs into national celebrities. (Jonathan L. Kang, Washington)

Both are very taxing. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Both vastly exaggerate the importance of Iowa. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Both involve Big Labor. (Joseph Romm, Washington)

Life is like a box of chocolates because . . .

All that's left at the end is a lot of paper to deal with. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

The nuts get the most coverage.

(Carol Manson, Leesburg)

Zit happens. (Bob Dalton, Beaumont, Tex.)

Heaven is like a poem that does not rhyme because . . .

In neither place will you find that young man from Nantucket. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

The ethereal nature of the non-rhyming poem perfectly captures the intangible quality of its intrinsic reward, and crap like that.

(Bob Dalton, Beaumont, Tex.)

You know you are supposed to like it, but somehow it just doesn't seem all that appealing. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Final resting place

Words can't describe its beauty

Hope there's sushi, too.

(Joseph Romm, Washington)

The human body is like the Eisenhower administration because . . .

Both continue to operate pretty well while the head ceases to function. (Ken Huck, Fairfax)

The arteries that were new back then are clogged and deteriorating. (Mike Platt, Germantown)

After a heart attack, everyone is worried about how "Richard" will perform.

(Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

Marriage is like a game of Monopoly because . . .

It's more interesting with more than two players. (Gary Patishnock, Laurel)

Deeds speak louder than words.

(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Your wife gets the car. You get the dog.

(Mike Mitchell, Annandale)

You go in circles and fight over money.

(Noah Meyerson, Washington)

You only get a roll every so often.

(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Marriage is like Monopoly because of the unending, wearying tedium that

oh, I thought you said "monotony."

(Sue Lin Chong, Washington)

Next Week: Our Own Devices